I see dead people

June 9, 2014

At the end of last year and during the months rolling towards spring this year I had reoccurring dreams about an ex-boyfriend from my youth. This person and I dated for three years in our mid-twenties, were engaged for the last year of our relationship, shared a home.....and then broke up. The breakup wasn't abrupt or anything too dramatic; we were young, I had already back then the insatiable lust to see the world whereas he never wanted to leave the area where we were both born and bred......and during the years we were together I had grown increasingly tired of the endless party lifestyle that he was so much into. Granted, where I grew up we were all products of our respective up-bringing and the Finnish alcohol culture: every weekend was about bar hopping with friends and getting drunk, it was not very productive nor  was it pretty. I wanted to stop doing all that -- I would've loved spending my weekends with my boyfriend snuggled up at home, watching movies, cooking, chilling....but my boyfriend thought this was boring. And so, the beginning of and end started creeping in when I began staying home at weekends whereas my boyfriend kept on going to bars and clubs and getting wasted every single weekend. It was time for me to move on.

We didn't really keep in touch after our breakup, not frequently anyway - I think there were a few phone calls and the last time I remember speaking with him must have been back in 2006. I heard it from mutual friends back home that he had become an alcoholic - the kind who did not work and was seen hanging outside the town liquor store with his fellow local drunks. I thought this was very sad, but I wasn't all that surprised - the writing was on the wall decades earlier. I felt sorry for him, and even more so for his mother because she was always the worrying kind -- and I could only imagine she must have had countless sleepless nights wondering where her son was; whether he was alive, whether he was eating, whether he had a roof over this head.

My dreams of him last year started out of the blue and became so frequent that by April this year I was freaking out. I couldn't understand why I was constantly dreaming about him when I genuinely wasn't thinking about him during my waking hours -- as anyone, I might have a passing thought of him couple of times a year, wondering how he was doing - but not more frequently than about any other friend or relative from the past. In the dreams he almost always appeared together with my own mother and sometimes with my brother too - both of whom have passed away long time ago. This made me uncomfortable and I began thinking that something may have happened to him. During Easter, one morning after waking up again from a dream where my boyfriend and mother had appeared, I couldn't ignore it anymore..... I started doing a little research online -- it's amazing what you can dig out these days with Facebook -> mutual friends > archives of local newspapers.

It took me couple of hours but after following the internet path of a few leads I soon found myself staring at a page of a local online newspaper from November -- and there it was, the obituary of my ex-boyfriend. He had passed away in early November. He was 45 years old.

That moment when I located his obituary was a weirdly calm and "now it all makes sense" kinda moment. It may sound crazy, but I strongly felt that my ex had, for some reason, wanted to let me know that he had moved on from this Earth. Since Easter, I've had just one dream about him --- it was within the next 2-3 days after finding his obituary......then, nothing.

How freaky is that ? It is not the first time I've had some form of strange dreams that have turned out to be some level of premonitions...
Now then......
Some time later I had a bit of a strange dream again: in the dream I was still employed by my previous international employer, and they surprised me by telling me that they were going to finally send me back to the U.S. ! I was ecstatic ! The bizarre part was that I was told my brother was going too (he's not alive) and while I reached the airport my mother (not alive) was waiting for me there too -- she was going to the U.S. as well ! There we were, all three of us, dragging our luggage and heading towards the gate that read JFK New York.

My sister (she is alive) appeared in the dream too - I had to break it to her that all of us were moving to the States and she was unfortunately going to be left behind...she was crying inconsolably whilst I was trying to comfort her, all the while sensing her pain and feeling so bad for her because she would not be able to come with us.

Yeah - waking up from that sort of made me wonder if I had just seen a premonition about my own impending death.....but...naah, I think I'll just take it as a sign that a trip to New York is in the horizon :)

Source (interesting stories here too)


  1. I thought for sure you were going to end this by saying you'd received an offer to move back to the States - Maybe that's coming!

    1. I know eh, that would've been the perfect outcome :)
      Last night I was dreaming about being kidnapped with a group of people -- I don't think my dreams actually make any sense, haha.....